读后续写：细节描写训练 讲义.docx

Continuationwritingskill:descriptionTeachinggoal:1.earnhowtodescribeascene.前情提要：感恩节到了，“我”和妻子想向贫民区捐赠物资，因此我们需要一辆货车来购买和运送货物。I.1.ead-inQ：Whichoneisbetter?Why?ParaA:Butthevansdidn,tstop.Withtimegoingby,mywifefeltdisappointedbecauseIstilldidn,tmakeaplanstop.Ifeltveryanxious.Suddenlyavanstopped.Itriedtoexplainwhatweweredoingtohim,buthedidn,tagree.Itoldhimhowmeaningfulthethingswedidwere.ParaB.However,theycame,andspedup,onlytoleaveashanddirtdancingintheair.Fingersnumbedbythechillywind,throatchokedbydustyair,Wefelteversofrustratedonthecrowdedstreets."Whocanweturnto?”mywifemurmuredwithafiercefrown.Staringintomywife,sredeyes,wefoundourselvesontheedgeofgivingup,untilitsuddenlydawnedonme-Hopealwaysfellatthelastminute.Becausetherearedescriptionsofwhatwe(maincharacters)see/hear/say/do/feel.DescriptionisPaintingaPiCtUreinWOrdSOfaPerSOn,place,object,Orscene.AdescriptionessayisgenerallydevelopedthroughSenSorydetails,OrtheimpressionsOfone'sSenSeSSighthearing,taste,SmelIandouch.描写：通过对各个感官的细节描述和刻画人、事与物。描写声叙述叙述：陈述事情的来龙去脉和前因后果。写作中，叙述与描写并行，描写必不可少，不能用叙述代替描写。C.Butnoneofthemstoppedtoletusfulfillmygoal.Westoodatthestreethelplesslyinthewind.I100kedattheSignatJheStreetCOmerOCCaSionalIyandanideaburstinmymind,Iaskedmywifetogivemeapaperandwrotedownmyourideastohelppeopleinneedwithourfoodduringthanksgivingandblessingsaboutthefestival,thenweexpectedthegenerouspeopletohelpusfulfillthegoalhappily.（马订）I1.SkillsSkill1.whattodescribeinascene?一个编剧的入门WhattOSeesayheardothink所见、所说、所听、所做、所想我们要去拦下一辆车T（所见）车来车往，尘土飞扬（所说）我们在做一件有意义的事，你能加入我们吗？（所听）呼啸而过，几乎没有车停下来（所做）挥手，呼喊，举起纸板（所想）我要再坚持一会，希望总是在绝望时降临我们去贫民区分发物资T（所见）挣扎在贫困边缘的家庭，无家可归的流浪汉（所说）（所听）人们发自肺腑的感激（所做）卸货，挨家挨户分发，被人们的开心所感动（所想）善意可以给别人的生活带来一些不同，之前的辛苦都很值得，感到充实，传递了感恩节的精神Task1:分析自己作文，每句属于所见、所说、所听、所做、所想中的哪个方面?还缺少哪方面？北极熊洗过被辣椒水喷过的眼睛后，从湖边朝我们跑来（所见）巨大的身躯，晃动着栏杆（所说）（所听）愤怒的咆哮声回荡在营地（所做）逃命，一边找食物拖延住北极熊，一边打电话求救（所想）非常害怕，思考还有什么东西能够拖延住它不愿整理房间的亚瑟将玩具堆了一地，还刺痛了他的光脚（所见）玩具散落在房间各处（所说）妈妈，帮我收一下玩具吧。妈妈，我的袜子在哪里？（所听）可这次妈妈没有回应（所做）自己收拾了地上的玩具（所想）整洁的地面果然更舒适，也不怕伤到脚了，原来收拾房间也没有那么困难Skill2.Howtodescribeascene?一个编剧的基本功分解动作，增加镜头感1 .Theyrefusedourrequest.However,theycame,shooktheirheadsandspedup,onlytoleaveashanddirtdancingintheairanddrownusindeeperfrustration.2 .Whenmywifefeltsad,ItriedmybesttocomfortheSheturnedaround,croaking,withtearsslidingdownhercheeks.Ireachedacrosshershoulderandpulledherclosetome.Practice:3.Theboyfelloffthestairsandthejardroppedtotheground.TheboySlidOnthestairs.AttheSametime,thejaeflewfromhishandsanddioppedOntheground,WiththeapplejaminitSCatteringeverywhere.添加细节描写，增加质感1. Mywifefeltverydisappointedanddecidedtogiveup.Fingersnumbed（麻木）bytheChiIly（刺骨的）wind,throatchokedbydustyair,WefelteversoaloneonthecrowdedstreetsofNewYork一"Whocanweturnto?”mywifemurmuredwithafiercefrown.2. Wesentthegiftstothepoorpeople.Wedistributedgoodsamongfamiliesstrugglingdesperatelyontheedgeofpovertyandorphanswithoutaroofovertheirheads.3. Whenhesaidyes,weweretooexcited.Excitementtookourbreathawaywhenherepliedwithasimplebutwarmyes.Practice:4.ShesmiledhappilyandIfelthappytoo.">AhugeSmiIeSPreadacrossherface,WhiChIitUPmygloomyafternoon.Task2:修改自己第1段中的一处动作描写，将动作分解，并添加细节。Skill3.Whatwritingskillstouse?个编剧的进阶通过介词结构WithtearsStreamingdownherface,wordsfailedher.AttheSightOfthePolarbear,IwasseizedbyastrongsenseofhorrorWithmyPalmSsweating.借助非谓语Shewept,hidingherfaceinherhands.BaSedinWarmSUnShine,shefeltthepainandangersweptaway.动作描写与心理描写相辅相成开心时候的动作？一跳起来，喜形于色，放声大笑或尖叫，奔跑等dancewithpleasure,withajumpintheair,burstintolaughter沮丧受挫时候的动作？声音变低，皱眉，叹气，低头，表情茫然，眼神黯淡等withalowervoice,frown,sigh,bow,ablankexpression,thelightinone,seyesdarkened悲伤时候的动作？-声音沙哑哽咽，泪流满面，嚎啕大哭，沉默不语等Thevoicewashoarseandchoked,Tearswelledupinmyeyes,burstintotears1.aterinthedarkafterthemoviehadstarted,IheardHudsonnexttome,croakingtearswereslidingdownhisCheekS.（77IeKiteRunner追风筝的人）惊恐时候的动作？一不自觉的后退，一跳而跳，不敢动弹，用手按住胸口等makearunningstepback,jumptoone,sfeet,betoofrightenedtomove,besostartledby,pressone,shanduponone'schest,befrozenatthesightof.犹豫时候的动作？-徘徊，左右为难，来回踱步，皱着眉头等withoutsayingaword,wanderbackandforth,bestuckindilemma,linger无聊时候的动作？-到处漫无目的来回走动，拿起东西放下，胳膊肘撑在桌上（发呆）等pacerestlessly,wanderaboutsomeplaceaimlessly,pacebackandforth,strolldownthestreet,restone,selbowsonthedesk愤怒时候的动作?一低声嘟哝，放声大喊，恶狠狠地盯着某人看，挥舞拳头等murmur,howl,glareatsomebody,waveone'sfistPractice:Hearingthissimpleyetwarmyes,mywifeandIfeltveryhappy.THearingthissimpleyetwarmyes,myWifeandIiUmPedWithjoy,WithPreViOUSgloomgivingWaytobroadsmiles.添加副词，形容词Nanjinghaswitnessedthecontinuousemergenceofmanydistinguishedtalentsandnobleheartsaswellasmonumentalachievementsthatshonethroughtheages.南京，她有着层出不穷的风流人物和彪炳千秋的不朽业绩。用事物代替人做主语她笑了oAgentleSmilKSDreadoverherface.她出现了梦幻般的表情。Adreamy100kcameoverherface.我很激动。Excitementtookmybreathawaywhenhebrokethenewstome.Practice:他灵光一现。AbrilliantideaSUddenIyCrOSSedhismind.自然环境描写Iwasimmediatelystunnedbytheskywiththicksilverliningcloudsdriftingaround.